Wanting
by Raexneol
Summary: You know those things that you love intensely, but you don't realize they're missing until they're suddenly reintroduced? He was that thing. Too bad Axel didn't remember him. AkuRoku RiSo


**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts in any way, shape, or form. I don't even own this laptop. I do own that bobby pin, though. No, no that one; the one to the left. Yeah. That one. It's mine. Get your own.  
><strong>

It's amazing where inspiration comes from, huh? This started as the first sentence of a review, and on the drive from the gas station back to campus, my girlfriend, Sunriseonmymind, and I managed to get this worked out into a somewhat manageable plot. Hopefully this will encourage my Muse to work on my schedule and not hers. Thanks also need to go to the. israel. project107, seeing as how it was her story I was reviewing, lol.

**Warnings**: Boy love, cliches, and Heartless. A few Nobodies thrown in there for fun, with a sprinkle of the improbable. And, of course, Axel's/Roxas's mouth.

**Summary: **You know those things that you love intensely, but you don't realize they're missing until they're suddenly reintroduced? He was that thing. Too bad Axel didn't remember him. AkuRoku RiSo

* * *

><p><em>He awoke in the Darkness, which he supposed was appropriate. They <em>were_ born of the Darkness, after all. The Darkness was safe, familiar. It was home. It welcomed him and the others like a mother welcoming her long lost children._

_The Darkness, however, was not where he wanted to be. His actions warranted him being here, sure, but hadn't he redeemed himself in the end? Hadn't he shown that he wasn't just some mindless creature, lusting for power and hearts? Was this really his reward for his sacrifice?_

_No, he decided, it wasn't. He had unfinished business and a need, an ache within him (unfamiliar, yet so familiar) that demanded his attention. The Darkness would not, _could_ not, hold him. It had never really been able to._

_He awoke in the Darkness, but all he could see was the Light._

* * *

><p><em> Restoration at 2%<em>

* * *

><p>"There's no way you can beat me, Sor. Literally none. You're out of practice," Riku stated, that infuriatingly endearing smirk on his face as he summoned his Keyblade.<p>

"Famous last words," Sora sang back, calling up his own and grinning as the familiar weight materialized in his hand, the shocked oohs and aahs of his friends inflating his ego a bit. He _really_ hoped he was going to win this one.

It had been a few months since he and Riku had escaped limbo and made it back home. Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie had been demanding for _weeks_ to know what they'd been doing, and when Sora finally made up some story about them leaving to train under some master fighter ("It wasn't a _total_ lie!" was Sora's defense when Riku had confronted him), they began demanding demonstrations.

After going on to them about how much better he was than Riku now, it would be almost unbearably embarrassing to lose, so when Kairi gave the go ahead, he launched himself at the silveret in a flurry of motion. Metal clanged as blows were exchanged, their movements a mere blur to their captive audience until they abruptly stopped, Sora poised above a prone Riku with not one but _two_ Keyblades raised, ready to make the final strike.

There was a wild look in Sora's eyes that Riku thought he recognized—he knew the boy that used that captive, caged look. He also knew that said boy wouldn't hesitate to finish him. He never got the chance, though, because suddenly Sora returned to himself, blinking a few times before taking a quick step back and dismissing his weapons, an apologetic grin on his lips as he reached a hand out to Riku, feeling the momentary darkness pass.

"Sorry about that, Riku. Got a bit carried away," he said, helping the older teen to his feet and avoiding that worried look. "But I told you so! You can't _really_ expect to beat someone who's saved _all_ the worlds from the Darkness—"

"You just got lucky—"

"_Twice_." Sora was all smiles as Riku awarded him a congratulatory peck on the forehead, though the grin did fade a bit as his boyfriend pulled back to give him a serious look.

"You were using two Keyblades," he stated, and Sora glanced away, chewing on his lip for just a moment before he brightened and shrugged.

"Yeah. Weird, huh? Guess you'll have to work twice as hard to keep up now!" the brunet teased before darting off to accept the praises Tidus and Wakka willingly piled on him. The victory was hard to stomach, though, with the lingering feeling that there was something… something wrong.

* * *

><p><em>The problem with the Darkness, he discovered shortly after embarking on his journey, was that it was hard to find anyone resembling a head honcho. In fact, it was hard to find anyone at all. It was aptly named—he knew he was moving, but he didn't know how, and in this pitch blackness, he wasn't even sure if he was seeing anything in the first place, much less what he was looking for.<em>

_He traveled for what had to have been days (weeks, maybe months—who could tell in here, beyond the reaches of even time?) before finding someone. There was the slightest, smallest spark of Light, perhaps gleaming out of a minute keyhole, and that was what grabbed his attention. If he hadn't been looking for it, he would have certainly missed it. Upon further inspection, he realized it was a door—well, not _a_ door, a set of doors, huge and very ornately embellished (at least, what he could feel). They were also very locked. He, however, was hardheaded, and would not accept that. Axel stood before them, yanking at the handle for what must have been a while before a voice finally spoke up._

They are locked_, it said, the voice calm and amused and… in his mind. Axel wondered if perhaps he was losing it._

"_I need to get out," he replied, his own voice loud, echoing silently through the infinite stillness._

That is not possible_._

"_It has to be! You don't understand, it wasn't supposed to end like that. I'm not supposed to be dead!" Axel snapped, his anger burning wild, yet in all the emptiness, seeming far less impressive. A child's tantrum that did not move this ageless creature._

It is impossible_, it repeated, that vaguely amused tone back in its voice._

"_Why the hell not? Why can't you just… I don't know, let me out? You're standing here, you must have a key. Or at least tell me _why_ I'm here, so I can explain why you're _wrong_." He was trying his luck, he knew, but the entity didn't seem to mind._

The King has confined you all to Kingdom Hearts for your transgressions. You may not leave_, it said, sounding as though it had had to answer this question more than once._

"_Kingdom… You've gotta be shitting me," he sighed—this was nothing like what that maniac had promised. Figured, Xemnas had always been good at talking out of his ass._

I assure you, I am not.

"_Ha. If this is Kingdom Hearts, then where is the Light, huh? Sora said this place was Light," he demanded, going for a ne w route—where there was Light, there was Sora, and where there was Sora…_

Beyond these doors. The light is nothing without the shadows. You, out of all of your kind, seem to understand this Truth. _There was a slight hesitation from the Guardian then, so pregnant it made Axel hold his tongue for just a moment longer. _I… sense that you are far different than the only other to have made it to me. Tell me your motives. Perhaps you can sway my decision.

"_I… I wasn't supposed to go like that, right after I'd found him again. I promised—I swore I wouldn't leave him, and then I went and died. I mean, yeah, okay, Sora survived because of it, but…" Axel trailed off, running his hand through his hair with a sigh. "I just need to find Roxas. There's… something I never got to tell him, and he really needs to know."_

You speak as though you felt something for him. You, a creature with no heart.

"_I do. To hell with all that 'no heart' business. What I felt for Roxas was more real than anything I've ever known," he shot back, acid green eyes narrowing in the Guardian's general direction. Something in his tone must have convinced the creature, because the next moment, he found himself blinded as the doors slid open effortlessly, revealing the pure, brilliant light of the inner sanctum. He felt his breath catch as his mind caught up—this was it. He was going to see Roxas again._

"_Thank you. Thank you so much, you don't… I can't…" he started, but the guardian spoke over him, his tone more serious than anything he'd heard thus far._

This was only the first step. You still have much further to go before you may gain the right to see him again. Let me explain what you must do; then you may decide whether or not thanks are still in order.

* * *

><p><em>Restoration at 7% <em>

* * *

><p>"You sure it was just that once, Sor? I mean, you get this <em>look<em> in your eyes sometimes—"

"You get the same one, Ku. That far off, broody look whenever it starts to storm or I even think of mentioning Ansem."

"Xehanort."

"Xemnas. Whatever. Aren't they all the same person? I don't even know. Anyway. All I'm saying is that neither one of us made it back here without some scars, right? Mental _and_ physical. I'm fine. You're fine. _We're_ fine. Can we just drop it? It was just one little isolated incident." Sora's tone indicated that they were going to drop it, it didn't matter what Riku said, so the silveret just shrugged and took a bite of his gnocchi, letting his boyfriend change the topic. "While we're on the subject, though, have you noticed anything… I don't know…"

"Off?" Riku supplied, glad that Sora seemed to have finally noticed it as well.

"You, too, then?"

"Yeah," he said, pushing his food around as the aforementioned 'broody look' clouded his features, "I can feel the Darkness. It's… weird. It's not really growing, per se, but something's definitely going on."

Sora nodded, sucking a spaghetti noodle into his mouth noisily before replying, "I just noticed it earlier. What do you think it is? I know we didn't finish off Maleficent this time, but surely she hasn't managed to amass enough Heartless for us to feel it all the way here, right? Not in just six months."

Riku shrugged again, meeting Sora's eyes as he asked a question he dreaded hearing the answer to. "You don't think it's the Organization, do you? I mean, the disturbances… your _issue_…"

The brunet quirked an eyebrow, a twinge of anger lacing his voice as he said, "My _issue_?"

"You know what I mean. I just really hope they don't rear their ugly heads again. It was tedious enough putting them all down the first time—"

"They weren't _animals_, Riku! They had thoughts and feelings—well, most of them did—and one of them _saved my damn life _by freaking _sacrificing himself_, so—" Sora cut himself off by slapping a hand over his mouth, his blue eyes wide as the anger drained from his features. The silveret sat back, his eyebrows raised in a silent 'I told you so' look. "… Okay, so maybe it wasn't an isolated incident. I don't know what's wrong, though, it's like I'm only getting brief little flashes of his thoughts. He'll touch me with an emotion for just a second, then he's gone again."

"Maybe that's all he's strong enough to do," the older teen offered. Sora pursed his lips and mulled that one over. It was true, the full-body apparition Roxas had managed when he'd bid farewell to Naminé couldn't have been easy, and ever since then, the blond's presence in his mind had seemed far weaker.

"Maybe," Sora replied, chewing on his lip and dragging his fork through his food, hoping that would stay the case. He couldn't help but wonder, though, if perhaps this disturbance had something to do with his Nobody's restlessness. Just what was going on out there?

* * *

><p><em>Axel had no idea how long he traveled in the Light of Kingdom Hearts, following some invisible calling through the blinding brightness. He could make out some vague blurs somewhere in the distance, but it seemed as though no matter how long he walked, he never got any closer. Suddenly, he caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye and whipped around, his jaw dropping as he beheld Twilight Tower sitting right there with none other than Roxas precariously perched on his favorite spot. <em>

"_R-Roxas? Rox!" he called, but the blond didn't seem to hear him—he didn't have to wonder why for long, either. A moment later, an apparition of himself joined the younger, handing him a popsicle before he swung his long legs over the side. _

_He remembered this. This was the first time Roxas had mentioned any knowledge of his Other, the first time he'd said that something in him felt wrong. It was, if he were feeling melodramatic, the beginning of the end._

_Another movement out of the corner of his eye made him turn again, and this time it was the two of them in Agrabah (oh, how he'd hated that place), talking in the sparse shade of one of the huts as they observed the locals. They were arguing—he struggled to remember why, and as he did, their words became audible._

"_Just because you're 'remembering' doesn't mean you have to go looking for trouble, Thirteen," memory-Axel hissed, pulling down his hood and wiping sweat from his brow._

"_Don't call me Thirteen, _Eight_. You may as well just call me an idiot. Anyway, I'm not looking for trouble. I'm looking for that guy," Roxas shot back, glaring from under his own hood. This Axel reached out and knocked it back so he could see the anger in that angelic face—he always said Roxas looked best when angry._

"_Well, as long as I have your permission. You _are_ being an idiot. You know damn well who and what he is to you, so you know that if you _do_ somehow manage to make contact—"_

"_I'll disappear, I remember. I know. But… I don't know, it feels wrong. Like my being here is bad somehow," the blond grumbled, summoning both his Keyblades and staring at them as though they held all the answers. "Like this. Xemnas makes a big deal because I can wield them, but why?"  
><em>

"_Who knows why he does anything? He's a nutcase, Rox," the other Axel shrugged, waving a hand dismissively._

"_Yeah, but I can't help but think he knows something about me… something he isn't saying…"_

_Axel wanted to kick himself. Looking at this memory from his perspective, he could see how truly worried Roxas was. All the kid had wanted was some reassurance that he wasn't going crazy, but at that time he was still too fixated on his desire to take down the Organization to see it. _

"_Roxas… I'm so sorry…" he whispered, taking a step towards the memory only to have it disappear. Another blinked to life in the distance and he ran towards it. By the time he managed to reach it, it appeared to be almost done. As before, he had to wrack his brain to remember what was going on, and the moment he did, their voices exploded into sound._

"—_don't understand why you're still so _fixated_ on this!" this Axel snapped, body tense as he leaned against the wall in Roxas's quarters. They were back in the Castle that Never Was and right in the middle of one of the biggest fights they'd ever had._

"_Fixated? You make it sound like some stupid obsession, Axel."_

"_If it quacks like a duck—"_

"_Oh, fuck off. I'm _sorry_ my asking you for advice is such a burden," Roxas growled, his blue eyes fierce as he glared at his friend. Memory Axel just glared back, but Axel himself started to see a trend—Roxas was coming to him for help. He was asking for reassurance, but each time, Axel couldn't see past his blind jealousy that something other than himself was getting the blond's attention. Each one of these encounters pushed him further and further away._

"_Rox…" he whispered, just as his past self rolled his green eyes._

"_Christ, what do you want me to do? We all dream about our Others. _You're_ the only one that seems so hell-bent on running off after yours. Are you so eager to die, Roxas?" the redhead raged, stepping closer to grab his friend by the shoulders, giving him a sharp shake. The blond shrugged Axel off, glaring at the floor._

"_Maybe I am."_

_This memory blinked out of existence then, and Axel whirled around, looking frantically for the next one, but if there were any, they were too far off for him to see. _

Do you see?

_Axel jumped about a mile. "What? Do I see what?"_

_He didn't get an answer, though, and after a long time waiting he gave up and moved on, his eyes constantly moving, trying to pinpoint the next memory. Axel walked on, once again trusting that invisible string to lead him where he needed to go._

Do you see?

"_See what?" he asked again, coming up short and looking around himself—Kingdom Hearts seemed to be big on disembodied voices. Before he could get an answer (assuming he would have), a memory started to appear, though this time… this time, it began to form around him. Brick by brick, Dark City took form around him, and this time, he needed no coaxing to remember._

"_No…" he whispered, standing stock still, looking around quickly for memory-him. Instead, the only figure he saw was the petit, hooded figure of Roxas walking his way. The blond walked right past him, reached the point that Axel had called out to him that night so long ago… and froze. Everything came to a stop. _

_Looking around in confusion, the redhead glanced behind him and came to an abrupt realization—this was the place he stood that night. The very spot. Hesitantly, he stepped forward just as he had then, calling, "Your mind's made up?"_

_Like a charm, Roxas sprang back into motion, turning with that determined glint in his eyes that Axel had come to know and love. "Why did the Keyblade choose me?" he shot back, his voice rough with frustration. "I have to know."_

_Axel didn't want to continue. He knew where this was leading, and he didn't want that. He couldn't watch Roxas leave him _again_. "Please… don't—just don't make me do this," he hissed._

Do you see? _was his only reply._

"_You—oh, goddamnit." Axel sighed, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose before repeating what he knew he was supposed to say. "You can't turn on the Organization, Roxas. You get on their bad side and… and they'll destroy you..." His voice was distinctly more pleading this time around—he wasn't angry, no, not anymore. He knew that Roxas would die because of this, just like he knew that every decision he'd made up until that night had ensured that nothing he'd say to the blond could possibly stop him._

_The blond gave Axel a derisive look. "No one would miss me," he said, turning on his heel and heading for the Gate. This time, through the cold, aloof façade, Axel saw what Roxas was trying so hard to hide._

_He was terrified. Deep down, he _had_ to know that this quest would lead to his Other, would lead him to Sora, and they all knew that a Nobody and their Somebody could not coexist. Roxas… Roxas wanted to be stopped._

_Axel took another step towards the smaller man, but everything froze—apparently that wasn't allowed. He snarled and stepped back, trying to find a way around finishing this conversation within the confines of the memory. He could just walk away, right?_

Do you see?

_Except that that damn voice would taunt him the entire way to wherever he was going. Something in Axel's chest throbbed painfully as he stepped back, clenching his fists as he whispered, "That's… that's not true. I would."_

_As Roxas turned, the world dissolved into nothingness and Axel once again found himself alone. His face was blank but the single tear that slid down his cheek—the only tear he'd ever shed—was testament enough to his inner turmoil._

Do you see?

"_Do I see what?" he replied, more out of habit than anything else now, because yes, he did see. He knew what the Light was trying to tell him. He knew why he'd been cast into the Darkness. He knew what he felt, what he'd never admitted to himself, what had to be done to make it right. He understood._

Do you see the Truth?

* * *

><p><em>Restoration at 11% <em>

* * *

><p>"Ah… R-Riku, we…" Sora groaned as his lover's mouth suddenly covered his own, cutting off any sense he could have spoken to ruin the moment.<p>

"We are going to have the best sex we've ever had right here. Right now," Riku panted in return, his hand fumbling for the door to the seaside shack until he finally managed to find the handle. Jerking it open, he pushed Sora inside and pinned the lithe brunet to the wall.

"We… nnn! W-we haven't had sex yet!"

"Makes my job easier," he grunted, pressing a leg between Sora's and pulling a low moan from the boy as he gave in to his arousal and pushed his hips against the silveret's thigh. "Fuck… Sor…"

"Riku…" Sora breathed, hurriedly tugging his gloves off before letting his fingers dive into that soft, silky hair. Riku's lips slid from his own down to his pulse as the older boy began pulling at his clothes, his calloused fingers always exploring the skin beneath the garment he was about to remove.

By the time his chest was exposed to the warm, humid air, Sora was covered in a sheen of sweat, blue eyes screwed shut as the silveret's lips and tongue tortured his nipple to a hypersensitive peak. His own hands hadn't been idle, though—Riku's vest joined his own in the pile, quickly followed by his shirt, and when he'd finally managed to expose his boyfriend's torso he tugged the silveret back up, catching his lips in a messy, passionate kiss.

"Oh, hell, Sora," Riku growled, but the younger just smiled against his lover's lips, pulling him closer until every possible inch of them was pressed together. The older slid a hand down his lover's back, cupping his pert ass with one hand as the other slid into the front of his pants, fingers inching towards the hard heat he could feel throbbing in the confines of Sora's boxers.

Sora tensed up, though, gasping as the tips of Riku's fingers brushed his rigid erection. In a flash, he'd pushed the silveret away and wriggled out of his grip, hissing, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"… In the name of all things holy and good in these worlds, please, _please_ tell me you know how sex works," Riku muttered, running a hand through his hair and glaring at his boyfriend. The plea seemed to jerk Sora back to himself, because the brunet suddenly shook his head, giving Riku a confused look.

"Why are you all the way over there?" he asked, his voice breathless and colored with confusion. Riku suddenly looked vaguely ill. "Oh. Crap. Roxas."

"I was hoping you weren't going to say that," the silveret sighed as he ran his hand through his hair again, frustration plain on his handsome features. "If that little prick is going to cockblock me every time I want to be with you, I will find a way inside your head and kick his ass all over it."

The mental image made Sora giggle as he walked back over to his lover, twining his arms around Riku's neck. "You know it's always just a short little burst and then nothing again for a while. That was it for the next week, I'm sure of it."

"Just like you were sure it was a one-time thing, right?"

"Do you want to get in my pants or not?" Just to make sure the answer was the one he wanted, the Keyblade Master let his lips wander, nibbling at Riku's pulse until he felt the older boy cave. Jackpot. In no time, they were right back where they started, though significantly less encumbered by their clothing. By the time Riku had secured Sora's legs around his waist, neither of them remembered even the slightest hiccup. By the time they were joined, Sora couldn't remember his own name, much less that of his Nobody.

_Restoration at 12%_

* * *

><p>It was warm here. Not just comfortable, like if there was a lack of atmosphere and changeable elements, but warm. He could feel the sun on his face, the wind on his skin.<p>

It was loud, too. He wasn't sure why that surprised him, but it did, and as he opened his acid green eyes, he found himself blinded, though he didn't flinch. No, the flinch came when he realized that he wasn't alone—again, he didn't know why it was significant, but it was _wrong_. Or was it right?

Standing, he cast his eyes around him, searching for any sign of… of anything, anything familiar, anything he knew, but he came up blank. There was nada up there. Zip. Zero, no recollection of anything other than a blindingly bright light that he was certain was just the sun. He had to have come from somewhere, but he'd be damned before he could tell you where.

Hell, he'd be damned before he could tell you anything. Where was he?

_Who_ was he?


End file.
